The brain needs myelin to help the nerve cells transmit information faster and allows for more complex brain processes. The myelination process starts from the back of the brain and works its way to the front. The part of the brain involved with human decision-making, planning and self-control is in the pre-front area (just behind the eyes) and with the myelination process, is the last part to mature.

On the other hand, the area of the brain that controls emotion and reflex responses- the limbic system- matures much earlier.  

So this mismatch in the development between the area for decision making and risk taking is one of the reasons why emotional responses, aggression and risk taking is so common among teenagers

As a pediatrician, I have been exposed to different teenage behaviors and relationships and some of the things I have learned will help me prepare for my ‘soon’ to be teenager. So here’s a list of things I find useful to help prepare you and your teenager prepare for the ‘challenging’ teenage years:

1. Books

Reading is a habit I regret not picking up much earlier in life. Books not only develop your language and vocabulary but also helps you live from other people’s experiences. One of my sons is an avid reader. The different middle school series he’s read helped expose him to some of the possible encounters and events that may occur- issues with friends, grades, girls and even unpleasant situations as school. He almost always has a good ‘come-back’ line for attempted ‘bullies’.

2. Set the boundaries

Ideally, boundaries should be set when they are much younger- for me about 4 or 5 years- and as they get older, you can modify it or set more. It’s more difficulty to set boundaries when  children are older. They just don’t understand it or they feel they are being punished for something. By boundaries, I mean acceptable behaviors towards other people, acceptable speaking habits, sleep time and use of electronics.

Every home is different but setting boundaries and applying consistency helps your child. If they know what is acceptable when they are younger, when peer pressure kicks in as it always does in teens, they are less likely to yield to ‘just’ anything. Even though you are fostering their independence at this age, it should still be with some limits.

3. Talk about risk taking

All kids love to take some risks. Might be the instant gratification from the fun or the adrenaline push from seeing something exciting they can accomplish. Remember this part of their brain develops first so they go for the risks first.

Teens can learn things harder, stronger, faster, and they can get addicted harder, stronger, faster. So talking about risk taking before they get there and repeatedly discussing it too can help them make better decisions. There’s no guarantee

Use examples of particular situations and ask what the chances are that this would turn out well.

4. Have a lot of discussion about anything

Talk about anything and everything you think will help them. Might be an experience you had at work and ask them what they think about it. Sometimes I use a made up patient experience or a close experience at work with all patient info changed to see how they respond or ideas they’ll give. With children, and especially teens, every event or discussion is a teaching and learning opportunity. 

5. Have that sex talk

I don’t remember my parents having a sex education talk with me. I wish they had taught me and not assumed it to be a ‘sacred’ topic to talk about. Teenage years are the years of adventure. You never know what decision your child will make, but you can get them started with a good sex talk. I am one of those who calls the different genitals by their real names- ‘vagina’, ‘penis; so I emphasize it again during sex education talk. I talk about abstinence but also talk about protection with male and female condoms and the risk of sexually transmitted Infections (STI). I talk about consent but also talk about sexual abuse and inappropriate behaviors, that way if anything happens to them they can tell.

It isn’t an easy conversation to have but its an appropriate one. It’ll be better they hear it from you than from a peer who is learning from experimenting dangerously.

6. Have that money talk again

If your child didn’t already know about spending, saving and investing, you may want to talk about it now. 

And if they did know about finances, talk about it some more.

I don’t give my kids weekly allowance just ‘because’ allowance is supposed to be a thing. I believe every dime has to be earned- they either make it from going an extra mile for a chore at home or for an academic achievement (doesn’t have to be off the roof).

The whole idea is making them understand you have to learn to earn. Going a step further also to let them know they can have more by spending and investing- thinking about getting them to buy shares for themselves.

7. Boost their confidence

I don’t believe in “I can’t do it” and my kids know this fully well. Its all about passion, effort and some confidence. I am my kids biggest cheerleader any day. I try not to shield them from failing but I want them to believe in themselves enough to accept their wins and losses confidently without blaming themselves or labeling themselves insufficient.

Being confident in themselves will help them believe in their abilities and not get pushed around in school. This will also help them accomplish more- academically, financially and in relationships.

8. Pray a whole lot

If prayer works for you, then you can stop now. They need it more than ever.

While I look forward to my journey as the mother of a teen in a few months, I am trying my best to prepare myself too. 

Let me know if this works for you too or what has worked for you too.

I will definitely blog about my updates as my sons and I grow.